Standards?

I have Masha’Allah been blessed with parents and family who have done their best to spoil me rotten.   am undeniably pampered and privileged.  Growing up, I had boxes upon boxes of imported goodies to spoil my teeth with; chocolates, cookies, candy…  You name it!  And yet, I used to go ding dong crazy when I used to hear the bell of the man coming to sell cotton candy out in the street on his black bicycle.  At that time, that little sticky fluff in pink and yellow that cost 50 paisas gave me more pleasure than the box of Toblerone or Hershey’s that Papa paid for in Dollars and Pounds all those years ago…  I remember my mama saying in absolute exasperation that ‘Some’ people (guess who?) just don’t deserve or appreciate good things in life.  The standard of the things available in the home and the standard that you run after…!!!

Childhood habits die hard I guess.  The last week has somehow brought this more home to me than usual.  I met a friend last night after what felt like an age, but was perhaps not more than a few months…  It’s just that the last few months have changed me somewhat.  And she noticed and she wasn’t happy not with the change and not with the cause of the change.  I’m sure if she wasn’t heading back to Karachi today I was in for one of ‘those’ talks.  As it is, her sms before leaving promises me a chat when she comes back to Isloo in the last week of September…

Maybe her point would not have upset me so if it hadn’t given me such a sense of deja vu.  I got an e-mail this past week, again from a friend who has been a work colleague, that ended to more or less the same effect.

So, I have standards.  More to the point, regarding my friends, I HAD them!  They seem to think I’ve compromised on them, settled for something far less than what I was actually looking for.  Maybe I have…  Scratch that!  Logically, I know I have.  But the point is, how long am I supposed to wait?  Do I let a chance to be happy pass me by because it did not come up to my exacting standards?  In the dim hope, that someday (who knows when) it will happen.  I’ve tried that…

And I’m tired…

Patience may be a virtue but in a world and in a life where tomorrow never comes and a bird in hand is better than 2 in the bush, surely it’s not that shocking for me to compromise a little on my own standards…

What is the harm in that compromise if I am happy?  Are standards really that important?  I haven’t given up on my dreams and my aspirations and ambitions for myself remain.  I am working towards them slowly perhaps but I intend to achieve them eventually, God willing.

People seem to think my brain has shut down, and I can’t see past the end of my nose or past my befuddled, muddled heart.  Believe me I can.  I know better than most and to exacting detail the whats is and who is of what is happening…

It’s just that at this time, for once, I want this for myself without worrying about how it looks with me or what other people will think.  I’ve lost my marbles or lost my sense, I don’t know…

It’s just that, just for a little while, I’m happy!