Archive for October, 2009



… to do anything but weep and feel that knot of fear being pushed higher up in my throat along with the helpless, useless, impotent anger at the apparent worthlessness of our lives…

Today, my city mourns.  Innocent casualties of war and the death of our spirit and self.  With the burial of those perished today, will be the laying to ground of the death of our identity, morality and our faith.  Not we ever had any of these things to begin with but at least there was hope.

Students were killed today in another link of an alien war that has been brought to our country by those for whom we are no more than pawns.  Students!  Young women and men conversing about studies and class mates and books and games, maybe some had a wedding to go to or to arrange… Some may be sitting there thinking of the things they need to do when they get home… Some simply thinking how hungry they were…  And the walls came down on them along with debris, fire and scraps of metal that silenced their dreams, and their ordinary concerns…

And left forever echoes of screams and agony in the hearts of the parents who were seeing their future in those bright eyes that are now closed; who were now seeing that hardest labor of love coming to fruit…  Parents who will now bury those dreams and hopes under dust and dirt and leave a piece of themselves with them.  I can visualize the agony that is going to scream through the minds of those families today and wonder how people can not think of the repercussions of what they’re going to do?  Self sacrifice is all good and noble where you’re concerned but slaughtering others… Spare a thought, you miserable brainwashed machine!

How can any cause justify the death of this innocence?  Do these people truly feel that targeting innocents and civilians is going to make an iota of difference to those who sit in the seats of power?  As if we are worth that much!  And how many of us truly care anyway?  We will be saddened for a while, be worried a bit about maybe this being us but in the end we move on; going on with our ordinary lives.  We are conditioned to be cold now.  We have no feelings of remorse nor guilt nor retribution.

We have no sense of self.  Those who have died have done so in vain.  And those they have left behind will cry and mourn their loss.  And we will go on as we always have in the face of everything done to us.  We take it.  Here are our collective asses… Stuff whatever you can up them.  We can take it and more.

As to those who believe they are carrying out the Almighty’s will, why is it not Allah’s will that the oppressor dies a painful death?  Is it open substitution?  some kind of macabre play where the understudies for Zardari and Chief of Army Staff or Musharraf are always on stage to take the bullet both literally and figuratively?

Bloody bastards, if you must do something to right the wrongs committed against you, then do so against the perpetrators?  Go on and blast Musharraf and Zardari and Altaf Hussain and all the rest so your revenge can truly be complete!

Frank Herbert said: “If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual.”

I don’t even want to blame the USA.  Why should I?  I have no right when I know that the fault lies within our on money grabbing, power hungry little hearts.  But DAMN!!

People say that standing up to the US and its imposition of rules and bills; drone strikes and elite forces would eliminate all this.  Saying it is rather easy, but doing it requires spirit that understands sacrifice.  Not the free for all, kill one-dozens free kind of spirit but the spirit that maybe we need to re-evaluate our lives.  Some comforts, some luxuries that we could do without, if it could mean breaking this narcotic hold that money has on everything we do.  It is money and silken sheets and crystal decanters that prompt the drive for governance in our country.  Never an actual spirit of changing the system.

I’m random and I’m ranting…  and everything has gone uncomfortably numb!



I had heard that there is no pain perhaps more than that of unrequited love…

But what then of knowing that love is requited with all due passion and still is doomed to end in separation?

October 2009