Archive for September, 2006


Confessions Of a Pre-Sehri Snack-o-holic


BlogThought of the Day: If I Could, I Would…

… be content with my lot as it is. I would find solace in my pain, comfort in my loss, victory in bitter defeat and that hidden sparkle of joy within a tear…

… have my 2 words to say and they would be glorious, profound and meaningful in their simplicity and truth…

… be marooned on an island with books upon shelves of books and be the happiest person in the world…

… have the courage to walk away from a fight…

… fly as high and as far as my thoughts can go…

… travel the world and yet, always return home…

… choose to live my life as I have already done…

… always be ME, as I choose to be!


Go in Peace

….It is the fate of a woman
Long to be patient and silent, to wait like a ghost that is speechless,
Till some questioning voice dissolves the spell of its silence…
The Courtship of Miles Standish; Priscilla (Part vi)

– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow –

For ‘M’, from the well thumbed pages of her own journal;
May the next world be kinder to you than this one has been. Go in peace my friend!
‘M’ passed away last night in her sleep. More than the sadness of her death, I feel for the fact that death came to her after she had in such a long time decided to live.

Thus is the fickle nature of life…

There is no death! What seems so is transition;
This life of mortal breath
Is but a suburb of the life elysian,
Whose portal we call Death.
Resignation – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Lights Out

Who knew that this could happen in Islamabad? I mean, sure it is expected in the rest of Pakistan but in the city miles away from the country depite being the capital? According to Reuters, Pakistan has been hit by worst power outage in history because of a technical fault at Tarbela.
No lights, computers, fans, or music systems for the better part of 5 hours… In relative terms, it also meant a few peaceful hours of slumber because the construction and drilling at the house behind my window was stunned into silence as well. Thank heavens for small mercies in that it was not an unpleasantly warm day, and I was able to fall dead to the world in my room without trying to compete for a world record for the most tosses and turns in bed.
Just browsing, have caught some info on the ongoing power crash on APP and Pakistan Times
More on it as and when I get the time… For the moment, am hungry….

Ramadan Kareem

It’s that time of the year again! I love Ramadan… There is this inherent feeling of peace and restfulness in my home and more relevantly within myself at the advent of this month and all the more appreciated because of the rock n roll routine that my life is these days.

Ramadan has always been a special time in our home. Some of my oldest memories go back to the scent of parathas wafting from the kitchen and filling the cold, winter of our home and then, later sneaking into my parents’ room and snuggling into my papa’s quilt as he recited the Quran and slipping back into snooze land with the sound of his voice still in my mind.

For someone like me, who enjoys food and everything to do with it, taking everything from the ingredients, to the flavors, the smells, the textures as a separate add-on experience to eating, Ramadan would seem tougher than normal, having to abstain from that which I enjoy so much. On the contrary, and much to my surprise, I find my senses heightened because of this halt. I enjoy the whole experience more. It makes the scents and taste a more physical, and hence, more real sensation than when I eat normally. There is something ‘more’ about eating after the fast or knowing that you won’t be eating till sundown that makes the tea seem warmer, the milk milkier and the melting comfort of my mama’s parathas even more meltingly comforting.

You can safely assume from the fact that I’ve mentioned parathas twice in 2 paragraphs that I have a thing about my mama’s parathas. My mama is an amazing cook, all mothers are but it’s my mama’s parathas that I live and breathe for. I have never quite seen anyone’s parathas come out as evenly golden brown as hers do. She does something to them, the top most layer is fried to a gleaming light brown and steams and releases the most yummy smell of butter or ghee, and it just feels like the ultimate in comfort food and then you break off the first piece, and it takes just 3 fingers, and from you can see layers inside, soft and flaky and melty in the mouth….

But Ramadan is not just about the parathas for me although it is an important part; it is also about the prayers. For someone like me, who manages to most shamefully excuse herself from prayers every now and then, it is a chance to make up for it and get into a habit of doing so regularly with the kind of faith and commitment she’s supposed to. It may be considered hypocrisy by some, but I believe even a month of proper regular prayers along with habitual recitation of the Quran or any other miscellaneous duas or a’maal that bring me some hope of improvement and allow me to feel the peace of knowing that the Almighty still deems me worthy of occasionally showing me the right path which I can follow whether through compulsion of a specific month or time or whether through some sense of knowing that I need to come this way. At least it leaves me the hope that I can turn myself to know and follow that which is right and Insha’Allah some day soon will have the strength within me to follow on all my days and not just maah-e-sayyam. (Ameen)

May this month bring all Muslims the faith and fortitude to follow the practices as deemed by our religion and bring us all peace and tranquility in our lives and our nation in the form of uncountable blessings from the Almighty Allah and may our practices in this month serve to bring us forgiveness and mercy in this world and the hereafter. (Ameen)


Blogword of the Day: Words

“…I once loved a maid and would have offered her everything I had. But I forgot to offer her my heart first and last. Forgot to give her the words.

Words are important to everyone. When they are not said, they leave holes.” Deep, dark holes where doubts and failures breed.

… He turned over an elegant hand, and mounded in it was the blinding brilliance of diamonds and sapphires, the aching gleam of creamy pearls.

“Would you take them as they’re offered from the man who knows he holds your heart, or would you rather the words?”

She said the first thing that came into her head, because it seemed the only thing.

“What are the words?”

And he sighed, long and deep, his proud shoulders slumping, his eyes going soft and sad.

“So it’s true then, they matter so much. And these… Are nothing but pride.”

– Jewels of the Sun – Nora Roberts –


I’m IT! FINALLY been Tagged!!

Ooohhhh!! First tag ever by in2deep… even though us poor souls were not quite sure what it meant… 🙂

Am thinking about…
all the work that i have to do for my research

I said…
I will not forgive him and I won’t

I want to…
be free

I wish…
I could see the world as I used to when I was younger

I miss…
being able to take things at face value

I hear…
myself being thankless so many times during the day

I wonder…
why it takes a few words of love for a reasonably intelligent female to lose it!

I regret…
the time that i wasted on thinking what could have been

I am…
still finding out what it means to be me

I dance…
when it rains, when the moon is out, when i am pissed off… (I like dancing… i guess :p)

I sing…
loud and clear in the privacy of my room!

I cry…
when I pray.. and when I don’t

I am not always…
the easiest person to get along with.

I write…
words that always take more from me than I want to give.

I confuse…
people who want me to fit into a pre-defined slot!

I need…
my space

I should try…
to be a little more restive

I finish…
with a flourish!


At my end, I tag, oh gee… hmmmm i don’t know too many bloggers… Checkmate, Inspirex, and Olive and Untamed-Desires, Sheza and Saad? You’ve been tagged!


I am Heartbroken…

How could this happen!
How could I have been so reckless, so careless with you…?
Who was to know what you would come to mean to me within the space of a year?
You, who were my companion in the darkness of endless, sleepless nights;
And you who lent me comfort and solace in the solitude of days I spent cloistered in my room…
It was your voice in my ear to soothe me when the work load got insane and you who took me away from the stifling pressures of studies to do and impart…
You who lent me utopia and you who were my partner in crime…
Bringing my laughter and tears; You were my match for Saturday Night Live and darn if you didn’t win out every time…
I still can’t believe I will no longer marvel at the sleek, simplicity of you nor wonder at how much you hold within…
Never smile with pride at your gleaming, dark countenance nor feel the comforting weight of you….
My gorgeous MuVo TX FM in black,

The Ultra-light MP3 Player with FM Radio, Voice Recorder and Super Fast USB 2.0 Flash Drive;
How could I have forgotten you at the computer lab in university and let myself in for a lifetime of tortuous imaginings of you belonging to a no good, two-bit thief….????
If I get my hands on him or her for that matter it will be my greatest pleasure to rip the person apart into tiny, small, minsicule bits with my bare hands, stitch ’em together and then rip them up again…
A pox on he or she who laid their hands on you! A pox I say!

A curse!

May their nights and days be filled with nightmares of you coming to life and strangling them with the lead of your earphones…

May their eardrums shatter with static filled intereference whenever they turn you on…
May the glowing blue of the backlight blind them…
DAMN IT!!! How can people who are paying nearly 50,000 rupees a semester be nothing more than common theives???? And I hope they REALLY are cursed!!
I feel so violated!
This morning I was talking about how I could just cry…
I really am going to NOW!

September is so NOT my month….


Days of Ordinary-ness

I miss ordinary blogging. Those were the days when I could write how many cars I overtook in my white chariot and how many students I blew away in the exam due to the sheer effort they put into trying to fail. But those were PMS days… and before you ask I mean Pre- MS… (I know exactly where your minds went!)

Now, I spend my days and nights worrying about how to study! And that for me is one major crash on my face on an uncarpeted floor. How can there be so much to do when the semester started just a month back. For the next week alone, I have 2 literature reviews to conduct on sets of 3 articles each; 2 research proposals and synopsis and a complete project proposal for economics. And this is besides the reading and review I need to do before each class every day.

I always thought I was smarter than my students. I know it! The multitude of certificates, awards and medals adorning my parents’ walls testify to that. It’s not just curriculum oriented but statements of accomplishment in eloquence, language and debate which would mean that my intelligence goes beyond the books! (So, I’m bragging! Sue me!) The point is it shouldn’t have been too difficult to scare someone off who is less intelligent than I am, should it? Then tell me if you will how I have been saddled with 4 management courses to teach over the next three months? HOW?

I am a seriously tough task master. My smiling, easy going demeanor belies my spine of steel and camouflages my hedonistic tendency to be a neurotic, compulsive study-o-holic who will do what it takes to ensure that work is done on time as it is meant to ensuring that something is learned simply because that is the way she does it. And students who have suffered me over the last 3 semesters have been reduced to pleas for mercy at the sheer amount of work we manage to cover in hour long lectures than the conventional 90 minutes. I am mean and seriously hard to please as far as the course work is concerned and if you try to shuffle by, cut corners or take shortcuts, you are screwed! Royally! And much to my students dismay, quoting textbooks gets you nowhere with me. Give me one definition without telling me what you think is the basis for it, and you’ll have an easier time wrestling a bone away from a dog than you have of me letting you off without an explanation.

Why, oh why? I try my best to overload my students with work while pretending to be oh so easygoing; am sarcastic enough to drive grown men to tears and emphasize a mode of study that goes right over the heads of those who sit in my class.

And to top it off, my popularity as a lecturer has gone off the charts. Yes, I talk to my students! Despite my hedgehog like tendencies, students come up to me to discuss what presents to give to their girlfriends, to how their fiancés were being jerks and how their parents don’t understand. Usually I am the epitome of sensible sanity that drives students away since I tell them precisely that which they do not wish to hear and yet they continue to come.

Then why is it that I spent the last weekend cloistered in the administration office at the university trying to convince the management that students do not have the fortitude to bear with me 5 days a week for up to 3 hours at a stretch. Only to be told that students filed applications with the management before the start of the semester that they want me to teach them specific courses. Where did I go wrong? How could my master strategy go so awry? How can I be saddled with the same group of geniuses that I thought I had got past over the last year???

But I get it! It’s their ultimate revenge on me… Nearly 16 weeks with this lot added to the less than 16 weeks of being part of this lot for teachers is going to turn my life into a bed of roses! But I don’t think I’ve ever driven any of teachers to tears, except once… but that was just because the broom I was holding as a prop kind of hit him in a soft spot… It was an accident!

I could just cry… which is bad for them, ‘coz they’re goners!!

By the way, any educated people out there who can recommend texts for managerial economics? And can someone please recommend websites where I can get research papers on an assorted range of management science disciplines?

I was going to rant on other things to but my mind has gone blank… Does not bode well for the class due to start at 12…


Blogword of the Day: Right

You may be rightI may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for
It’s too late to fight
It’s too late to change me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right
– you may be right – Billy Joel –

For the moment that’s all I’m willing to give you…

Willing to at least think that you may be right
God knows that’s more than you ever gave me!

September 2006