Archive for March, 2009


Taking Sides

What do you say when you see someone’s relationships fall apart? Not the relationships we form with our own will, but the ones we are born to…

Someone who matters to you is suddenly telling you how his home is no longer that and how the people who live there and are a part of him are no longer his own…  Consciously walking out of the door, knowing it’s going to close behind him…

How do you not feel guilty?  

The final strike may not have been yours but you know, you were where the decision to stand on two different sides started…

And that said, how does one do anything but give a promise to stand by them and support them in whatever they do….?


A World in His Eyes

I’ve always found his eyes to be so very appealing.  They’re a strange, golden brown.  Tawny is the word for them and they are very leonine in appearance.  Large, and fringed with heavy lashes.  At times, when I kiss those eyes closed, I tell him those lashes belong to a girl.  And oh so expressive.  Everything he feels, comes clear into his eyes for everyone to read…

Today, those eyes held such turmoil.  Emotions swirled in them like so many storm clouds, clamouring to burst; heavy with flashes of anger that were drowned out by a very real disappointment and a very real possibility of absolute heartbreak.

And just as he is helpless to do anything but say it all, I can do nothing but listen.  And I smile.  And there is silence.  Silence that somehow bridges all that lies between us.  

I cannot offer empty platitudes and words of comfort that I don’t believe in but his misery is also oh so intolerable.  So I try and convey some sense of comfort to him.  Holding onto his hand, letting my fingers link with his, and now and then just resting my fingers against his face…  A single long, moment that ends in feeling his lips brush the palm of my hand… 

And inspite of the seriousness of what we talk about, and all that lies in between; with all the potential chaos that is waiting its turn… for that little while I see peace creep in to those eyes, and all is worth it.


Are ‘WE’ wrong…?

… Because everyone else seems to think so?  

Do they know something you and I don’t?  Or is it just the fact that it’s us that is so upsetting for people?

There are rumours I know, of you and me.  After all, how big is this town where we live anyway?  People talk as they always do.  

Yet, whether in a guise of giving me well meaning advice, or straight out questions of what I’m doing, why is it that these conversations end in my being told that I’m wasting myself and not to do that anymore.  

That you or us, is not worth the effort.

To move on.

Is it you or me or is it just the ‘US’ that is wrong?

What if I don’t care, either way?

I smile when you’re there, and even when you’re not, the thought of you carries me through…

I cry tears of anguish at the impossibility of us, but you do reach out to wipe them away…

When it’s not you, it’s a sense of you that carries me through the day…

Why is it that I am forced to think of ‘HOW’ and ‘WHY’ we are so wrong, because the people around us believe it?



For a while she just lay there.  Her eyes open wide, trying to calm herself, taking rapid breaths of air with a hand over her mouth lest he awoke.  Not that she was afraid of him.  He knew of her nightmares.  He would spend hours holding her till the trembling was gone, talking to her about nothing much, trying to calm her down till she slept again (or pretended to anyway).  But he worried and fussed and questioned to find out why.  And when she wouldn’t be able to answer him,  he would associate their return with something he had done…

She rolled away from him and went to stand by the window.  Like so many other nights.   She would been standing there for hours it seemed…  A lifetime maybe…  In the cold window frame misting over with her own breath, she could see all that had been…

Some she blamed on others but there were so many moments which she knew could have ended differently had she but…

Raised a hand up to stop…  Or said maybe just one word.  

And today had just added to one of those moments.

Except that she had said one word… and not just once…

How was it then, that like all those other moments, she was awake wrestling in a court of a thousand stars and one dark night…

And he lay there behind her, as peacefully asleep as always.



The sound of running water; 

Floating bubbles and foaming froth;

An occasional pop, an afterthought almost, as a bubble sighed against a surface that wasn’t supposed to be there;

It should have been soothing and peaceful but it was not…

Probably had something to do with the fact that my one day off in a week was taken up doing dishes for guests I so did not want!!!

March 2009