One Last Time…

So I will meet him tomorrow..

For what my heart hopes is the last time…

I want this to end!  I am too exhausted from the endless justifications, and apologies and waiting for the what ifs to go away.  The love that meant so much is gone, exhausted.. drained from giving too much for the last 5 years without hope…

I don’t want a relationship where I am expected to be the strong one, and take care of things all the time… Once in a while, I yearn to be held in my sorrow with hands soothing my brow…

I want things to be taken care of where I don’t have to decide all the time…

I am sick of waiting for him to grow up!

I cannot give anymore and so I became cruel and cold and told him so…

Now he wants to meet me to give the words to his funeral prayer…

Is he going to hurt himself or me?  I don’t know…

And the fact, that I don’t care worries me…

Will he die?  I don’t know.. I don’t want him to… but if he does, how much am I to blame?

Will I die? Again, I don’t know… Will his irrefutable proof of love for me be in the form of a bullet to my head and then his own…?

I still want it to just end…  This is not giving me life as it is…  And if the end calls for this, then so be it!

2 Responses to “One Last Time…”

  1. Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 18:03

    Sigh…Is there really a “one last time?” Sending you hugs and loads of strength to bear it all. xoxo

  2. Monday, February 13, 2012 at 8:57

    Isn’t couselling an option? I wish finding and staying in love were simpler. May Allah bring sukoon and happiness in your life.

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February 2012

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