03
Dec
07

29 & Counting Up…

Or is it counting down… It seems strange to me that I cannot somehow muster up my normal enthusiasm regarding the celebration of my birth but I am bogged down today by all the possibilities that have not come to be, mostly because of my own failure to make them happen. This year, sitting in front of this computer just past the hour of midnight, with SMS chiming away at my cell phone and occasional bells going ding a ling a ling, I know my pleasure in being remembered today is a little bit hollow!

It’s another year gone… 365 and a quarter days of my life… A life I can not predict the length or direction of and it’s that possibility of flitting around like a headless chicken that is rather depressing.

Letting other people down is a norm when you’re human but letting yourself down seems so much worse. To look back at all you’ve done and know for certain all the what ifs that could have been if you had been a little braver, a little more honest, a little more true to all you were learning about yourself and find yourself feeling nothing but regret is not a good place to be. It’s disappointing to see all that potential wasted.
I don’t know how long I have but I do know how long I have had. 29 years! And in those 29 years, what have I accomplished for myself? Somewhere between where I started from and where I am now, I lost sight of all those things and ran after a series of hallucinations that disappeared. Today, when I look at myself, I know I’m not who I had expected or hoped to be when I thought about being 29…

All I had wanted to do and all those places I needed to see remain no more real than a few scattered grains of sand left clinging to my palm while the rest just drifted away…

Happy Birthday Sarah!

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2 Responses to “29 & Counting Up…”


  1. 1 Suga
    Monday, December 3, 2007 at 0:08

    Oyi teri birthday thi ajj??!!!

  2. 2 Suga
    Monday, December 3, 2007 at 0:17

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SARAH
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU

    May all ur dreams come true..tumhari har khwaish Allah poori karaye AMEEN!


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