Archive for December 3rd, 2007

03
Dec
07

29 & Counting Up…Part II

Prezzies for Moi!

Honestly, there are times I read my posts and think I am so thankless! And yes, the depression of the midnight blues has overturned. How can it not when one has an interesting pot pourri of gifts to enjoy at leisure and suit every mood! Parents and bro so sweetly decided to split cost to get a 3rd generation 8GB Black Nano i-pod instead of the 2nd generation one I had been after for the past year… I only pray my customary jinxing of all things tech is off on holiday… Also pray that parents feel as generous and agree to split costs with me when bro’s b’day comes along next month! 😀

Thanks to all of the lovely people who called me… People I got to know through this virtual world who are faster friends than some who were infinitely more real! If a fraction of the prayers you sent my way get heard, I’ll be the envy of the seven heavens and have nothing more to ask of from life… Love you guys!

To end:”Bismillahe Rehman Ar-Raheem! First of all thanks be to Allah! Yes, boys and girls played well. Phone calls coming especially Psyched called well and Suga was good. SMS was very busy also from X and bro bro. But Alhamdulillah we played game well and I am a very happy cookie!”

Happy Birthday Sarah!

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03
Dec
07

29 & Counting Up…

Or is it counting down… It seems strange to me that I cannot somehow muster up my normal enthusiasm regarding the celebration of my birth but I am bogged down today by all the possibilities that have not come to be, mostly because of my own failure to make them happen. This year, sitting in front of this computer just past the hour of midnight, with SMS chiming away at my cell phone and occasional bells going ding a ling a ling, I know my pleasure in being remembered today is a little bit hollow!

It’s another year gone… 365 and a quarter days of my life… A life I can not predict the length or direction of and it’s that possibility of flitting around like a headless chicken that is rather depressing.

Letting other people down is a norm when you’re human but letting yourself down seems so much worse. To look back at all you’ve done and know for certain all the what ifs that could have been if you had been a little braver, a little more honest, a little more true to all you were learning about yourself and find yourself feeling nothing but regret is not a good place to be. It’s disappointing to see all that potential wasted.
I don’t know how long I have but I do know how long I have had. 29 years! And in those 29 years, what have I accomplished for myself? Somewhere between where I started from and where I am now, I lost sight of all those things and ran after a series of hallucinations that disappeared. Today, when I look at myself, I know I’m not who I had expected or hoped to be when I thought about being 29…

All I had wanted to do and all those places I needed to see remain no more real than a few scattered grains of sand left clinging to my palm while the rest just drifted away…

Happy Birthday Sarah!




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