Confessions of an Almost Thirty Gym Virgin: Page 1

I’m terrified.  I am shaking in my boots and weak in the knees.  I am besieged by visions of falling flat on my face on a treadmill and being pulled into it and becoming the  walkway as I’ve seen in so many cartoons.  Pictures run amok over the wide screen in my head of machines breaking down as I pass by them, of people staring in horror at my bulk and of fainting dead away simply at the thought of facing the horror of an hour’s workout.

Ugh!  All that talk about a healthier lifestyle on BBC Food has addled my wits and souped my brain.  What was I thinking?  I cannot exercise on a regular basis.  It goes against all of my slovenly, sloth like behaviour carefully cultivated over the last ten years or so.  The years before that don’t count because I had energy to spare despite every day evening sessions of harassing the sector’s dogs and other entities on my lime green ten speed and beating the pants off my brother at badminton and roller skating to the central market at the drop of a hat.

And now, I look in the mirror and I see a cupcake…!  That wouldn’t be so bad since compared to some of the sizes in my family, I would be a bite sized morsel.  The ignominy comes in when you look at my dear mama who despite giving birth to 4 kids and in her fifties barely weighs fifty-two kilograms which sits quite wonderfully on her very petite frame of 4’10” (masha’allah!).  She still watches what she eats.  I watch what I eat too but that is usually just tracking the progress of the food as it makes its way to my mouth rather than keeping an eye on what I am eating and what my consumption has been.

Unfortunately, at my advanced years, it is not quite possible to trim myself down by starvation.  The point that I cannot live on grass and beans for the rest of my life has nothing to do with it.   I love food.  And maybe I have a few Italian genes because I adore pastas and spaghetti and cheese and pizza…  Besides, I’ve learned over the past few years that every time I’ve lost weight by drastically cutting out foods, I’ve regained that weight a few times over and in less time than before.  The one time I maintained an ideal weight for 2 years or so was the one time in my life that I was diagnosed bulimia caused by severe clinical depression so that’s not something I want to return to, no matter how high the temptation to lose weight.

The one way I can actually see this work is by following a guideline of my own making with the help of some suggestions taken from my favourite food channel.  Unfortunately, the one thing I don’t get enough of and would love to keep ignoring is exercise.  I am a slacker with a reasonably low attention span which just makes it so convenient for me to drop off any regular exercise that I may be getting.  It may be tempting the devil but some of you may remember my last winter’s walks motivated by a certain neighbourly situation.  That didn’t last so long and unfortunately, my walking routine fizzled out to a great big nothing and the 8 pounds I’d lost came back as 12.

So, I am taking myself in hand and tomorrow evening, without my mama to hold my hand shall venture into the world of the gym.  I went today just to check things out and saw all these ladies on machines working out with a single minded focus but looking like they were having fun.  In an adjoining room, ladies of various ages and sizes were heaving, laughing, panting their way through a rigorous aerobics routine.  Tomorrow I shall be one of them… provided I remember to buy a new pair of trainers…


2 Responses to “Confessions of an Almost Thirty Gym Virgin: Page 1”

  1. Wednesday, September 12, 2007 at 20:50

    One rule I read somewhere that has stuck to me was, “In order to get thinner, lose weight, burn more calories than you consume in a day.” Once you workout for a good hour or more, you will definitely want to be conscious about what you eat next – not to let all that mehnat go to waste/waist.

    Anyways, good luck gyming. I have started playing football regularly in the evening and this weather is just perfect to sweat a little.

  2. Friday, September 14, 2007 at 11:06

    hmm i guess being under weight has its blessings….in form of all thos pakoras and samoosas, pizza and pasta…
    if u see a cup cake inthe mirror, i see a pear…..

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