Wasteful Wanderings

Occasionally, when one has time to waste, one’s mind wanders…  Mine has taken to slipping out of my proverbial head and taking a stroll down the various lanes meandering through the past that has been, the present that is and possible futures there may be with rather more frequency than before.  I don’t know if that is because I feel this inexplicable sense of being trapped in this existence and wish to break free somehow or if it is simply because I’m bored with the way things are…  I don’t want to be unthankful and say….  Shit!!  No!  That’s not what I was going to say… I came up with a gem of an expression that fit exactly what I needed to say and it’s slipped just beyond my grasp…  I can see it but can’t get to typing it!

To revert, I was sitting in university today in the administrator’s comfortable, spinning chair, hands clasped and eyes focused unseeingly on the distant hills clear and darkly blue against a sunlit sky.  What exactly I was thinking, I’m not quite sure, but I was shook out of my self imposed reverie by the sound of a teacup being placed on the desk behind me.  I then found myself, engrossed in watching the concentric ripples formed in my cup as I stirred watching the steam rise up as my fingers took the spoon round and round and round…

I’ve realized something…  The tasks that seem so important otherwise…  Work, chores and errands for the home, relationships and equations with family and friends?  They don’t require much processing power from me any more.  There is a strange detachment.  It is almost clinical the way I deal with these things.  I have a new word for it:  I operate on auto-pilot.  Pre-programmed and pre-conditioned responses.  Why?  Because they expect nothing more.

Somehow this is not what I set out to write…  My bestest male friend in the world in going to Bahrain tomorrow for a week.  I’m going to miss ranting to him at odd times in the night.  Although like he said, it’s not as if I call him all that much but like I said to him, usually at least I know he’s a call away and in the same geographic zone.  The only reason to freak at not being able to talk to him would be because I KNOW he’s not around.  Although I don’t begrudge him that time.  It’s the poor thing’s first holiday in six years.  It’s the strangest relationship that we have.  We shared a school, a college and a zodiac in addition to a fair number of memories and childhood friends.  In addition, we are actually genuinely fond of each other.  Our conversations give people the strangest impression but then people tend to like getting strange impressions so what the hey…