Hallucinations

“Screaming faces I see, twisted and dark with age, agony and time… One after the other, in a line, they stream together, walking along a path that cannot be seen. The path that in fact does not exist but crouching together, the faces lift upward moaning as they trudge on through a strange forest on a mountain. Am I among them or am I seeing them as a warning of what I may become? Because the perspective changes… And as the faces draw further away, I realize they are stone. Crevices and crags drawn into a steep, straight face of an unforgiving stone that seems to have no edge and no indication of height or depth. It just goes on and there are these countless faces. I don’t know if I hear the word Allah as they scream it or if it is something that my subconscious whispers… But I am suddenly terrified. For I see this vortex of darkness head towards the mountain and envelop it in cloud and thunder and flashes of light. In my mind, I see faces of angels… not of mercy… but those sent from above as penance. All those miserable faces… Was I among them?”

I can’t sleep. Find myself restless and drifting between strange bouts of wakefulness and a deep, disturbing state of dreaming that I’d rather avoid. My fever is weird. I’m fine during the day. Yet, come night fall and I’m shivering even under two blankets and burning. This restlessness is driving me to hallucinate. My mind is filled with too many strange things to give voice to. I wouldn’t know how to start because they hold no rhyme nor reason, no logic and no sense.  I’m feeling strangely out of control…  Not that there is anything as such going on out of routine.  I’m just feeling….  Is it possible that a sense of the same routine can spiral into this sense of strange helplessness…?  I feel a strange premonition as if something has to give…  The status quo that is cannot go on…  My mind is freaked today!