Blogword No. 24: Really

Drugged dreams of Rage, what was real and what was not.

I drifted from wakefulness to unconsciousness,

How do I decide what REALLY happened?

I know I didn’t kill them, and that’s a relief.

Or is it, for life would be easier when I knew.

How do I decide which is Rage and which is me?

Madness!! I am both, myself and Rage,

I must be rational for I am both Woman and Man.

Rage is but a name, and he is me.

Yet, how do I believe his thoughts to be mine,

When clearly they are not like me.

His demon spawn may not be my creations,

Lest… I am a demon, as I believed,

And his madness is mine alone.

Blogword No. 22: Secret

Once a year, I take a bottle crystal clear, to dye in hues to match my mood…

I open it and breathe into it all that my soul has held for all those days,

When I feel it become heavy,

I cork it up and place it on my mantle with all the rest.

There you’ll see…

Life in blushing, rosy pinks overflowing from a heart too full;

And sorrows in the pale, pale blue of a tear once falling unheeded;

There is the deep purple of pride in a victory;

Envy poisoned my mind and reveals itself in a deep, jagged green;

A fog screens mists of greys where I searched for my direction;

Nights spent awake because my nightmares, glow with a sensual fearful black;

Interspersed with a star here and there when I dreamed; when I hoped.

One only needs to look at them to see all that I am;

In all my moods and all my colors, and every little hue;

And you can be forgiven for thinking you know me…

But in between the color is something more, something hidden;

Between all the tints and shades stand clear, crystal vials,

Appearing colorless, and plain, dull and boring.

Unnoticed for all intents and purposes…

Till a ray of stray light strikes at their heart and they come to life!

From deep within them erupt myriads of striking blues, yellows and reds,

Projecting an all encompassing radiance over all that surrounds them.

In that single moment of clarity, the glass reveals all that it is,

Splendid in its stark simplicity and ordinariness,

Throwing all the colors into shame.

In that single moment, it is those vials that reveal

The depth of the secret they hold within;

The secret of me…

Futility…

Courtesy : PhD Comics

Blogthought No. 4: They Say It Isn’t Possible

They say it isn’t possible to be female, blonde, and slightly Pathan, all at the same time and still have a modicum of intelligence and good sense…

I delight in going out of my way to prove them wrong at every given opportunity!!

(P.S. Forgive the arrogance of the assumption and no offense intended at any of the variables whether female, blonde or Pathan… Enjoy it in the spirit it is written by someone who is very proud of being all three!)

Blogword No. 23: Sorry

How can a single world of the English language be so insignificant, that one can say it a thousand times during the course of an ordinary life in an ordinary day for a thousand ordinary, insignificant reasons and yet, it holds all the power in the world to stop all the bleeding, festering hurts deep within from getting worse; to actually heal?

I’m sorry you broke my heart…

I’m sorrier that I let you

I’m sorry for the humiliation…

I’m sorrier for the regret that comes with it

I’m sorry that I can think of nothing good to say about you anymore

I’m sorrier that the bad always overtakes the good in this world

I’m sorry you are no longer in my world…

I’m sorrier for the guilt I feel for it

I’m sorry I dreamed you should be…

I’m sorriest I prayed that you were

Research Question

What is the correlation between cookies and working on research papers?

What is the associated correlation between significant weight gain and cookies while working on research papers?

*SIGH*

What is the correlation of knowing you need to pay more attention to the papers that are due within the next couple of weeks and not doing them? Consequently, what is the impact of such an intervention?

Seriously need to consider taking a break from blogging…

Listening to…

Tumhein dekhoon tumhare chahne walon ki mehfil mein

Mohabbat ki qasam, itni kahan taaqat mere dil mein

Mubarak ho tumhein yeh shaam yeh hungamaarai

Mujhe mehsoos hoti hai bhari mehfil mein tanhai
Bhala kaise mein kho jaaoon kissi rangeen mehfil mein

Mohabbat ki qasam, itni kahan taaqat mere dil mein

Ujala tum samajh bethi ho chamkeele andhere ko

Khud apna humsafar tum ne banaya hai lutere ko
Tumhein lut’te hue dekhoon tamannaon ki manzil mein

Mohabbat ki qasam, itni kahan taaqat mere dil mein

Mohabbat phool hai aur phool, sholon mein nahi khilta

Jo toofanon mein ghir jaaye, usse sahil nahi milta
Khushi se mein bhi apna loon kissi toofan ko sahil mein

Mohabbat ki qasam, itni kahan taaqat mere dil mein

–Mehdi Hassan–

There is something about lyin down on a bed, with the lights off, but seeing shadows dance awash in moonlight over the walls…

Blogword No. 21: Complete

For all of the me,

That make me who I am;

There is still a part;

That needs a smile from my mama;

A look from my baba;

A hug or a joke from Le Brats

To make me feel complete!

(I wonder if I’ll ever outgrow that?)