Blogword of the Day: End

It is over and done with…

‘YOU’ and ‘WE’ are, and shall be Forgotten words;

Pages of a book blown over by winds of time;

A skewed sign post indicating walkways that may have led somewhere at a time;

But now,

Only serve to look lost and in need of a sign themselves
and that is the lay of it hereon in.

But

I’ll be damned if I let it be the END of me!

Lovers for the most
part are without hope: passion
also is justa bridge, a means of connection
The Poem of the End – Marina Tsvetaeva
(Translation Elaine Feinstein)

State of Mindlessness

WARNING AND DISCLAIMER:

READ THE FOLLOWING AT YOUR OWN RISK. THE SUBSEQUENT DOMAINS DO NOT SUBSCRIBE TO THE VIEWS OF THE AUTHORESS IN PART OR IN FULL. CONTENT IS SERIOUSLY ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT! OPINIONS CITED BELOW ARE HIGHLY PERSONAL, HIGHLY CHARGED AND SWING SPORADICALLY BETWEEN SANE AND SERIOUSLY LUCID ARGUMENTS TO DEGENERATION AND DISCOMBOBULATION INTO THE RAVINGS OF A STARK, RAVING LUNATIC!

I have got back out of bed and it ain’t even 6a.m. It is worth a tirade on its own that the prospect of undisturbed slumber remains just that, a prospect like the unattained dreams and ambitions of some day waking up to find that we are witness to the miracle of rulers who actually do sacrifice their country for personal gain. Oh wait… we already have those! Ah bliss!

I digress! Unfortunately, sleep strays away refusing to come sing me a lullaby. The unrivalled pleasure of sleeping in on Sundays compromised because the dickheads in charge take it upon themselves to wield their testosterone charged toys and go rampaging around the country side in search of villains to draw out, quarter, annihilate and basically drown in pools of their own blood. When did life come to resemble the video games of the good versus evil genre where evil has the guns and the fire power and somehow manages to triumph over the good guy who is basically hung out to dry for speaking the truth? Okay, so that’s a little far fetched but I’m disturbed so if you don’t like what you’re reading, close this browser window now.

So, did you know we were living in a democracy? And we were living in a land of pak and pure where righteousness rules and people go about their businesses singing tra-la-la-la without any fear for their lives, their faith or their livelihood? It’s true! It’s true! How dare you make that face at me…! Bloody everyone’s a critic! I’ll prove it!

We have a Chief of Army Staff as President who will, God living remember to serve us by serving himself and staying in power, and in uniform and in bloody any guise he wants for all time to come because he CAN… At least that is the plan… Provided the higher authorities ala US of Assholes and Unpleasant Kingdom come decide that it is time the general was carried out by a highly skilled team of four!

We have a banker for a Prime minister and an economist as the head of our State Bank and are headed towards Utopia where every man will Rs. One million in single notes to spray around as confetti or use in a ticker tape parade to line the streets to welcome other high flying, leading unabashed lives of luxury individuals to into the capital city located a few thousand light years away from the country. Imagine the stench please if the capital had been anywhere IN the country itself… Phew! Gag! Yuck!

Here we are ruled by people so entrenched in the tradition of servicing the poor, and safe guarding their lives that they perform feats of great courage and zeal by ensuring that people do not have to deal with the task of living. They do this by placing barricades and routes on roadways of entire cities, cordoning off people on their way to work, school or even ambulances that may be taking people who are struggling to die. By taking such severe measures to suffer the indignity and the risks of traveling roads unencumbered by traffic, cars and people, they serve to ease their people’s way into death. Where else would you find this?

We are rational, sensible and enlightenedly moderated who have the unquestioned skill of memorizing 2… no make that 5 WHOLE postulates of our religion… (5 man! It boggles the mind!) Then take to the streets, assemblies and every intersection we wish where we make a show of waving our arms, and fists and beards and kullas and dastaars and burqas and abayas screaming about how un-Islamic the entire world is except self righteous, misunderstood us and then proceed to turn on our well oiled heels which are rounded with practice to go stand by those we call infidels and opposition and blah blah and yada yada yada! Well of course, they only switch places to show us poor, color blind, seriously retarded people the difference between their white and the infidels’ black souls. (Slapping forehead because of the in your face kind of truth of the phenomenon!)

Here are we who are so democratic and with such a burnished sense of justice that when an army personnel is accused of rape, the president of the state with all candid truth and faith and a high sense of morality will go on the record in support of the personnel and all this even before the fact finding commission is in place. Where else would you find such stalwart sterling examples of unencumbered innocent until proven guilty display to the extent that the woman in question’s life is threatened and she is whisked far and away in a big flying machine into the sky?

Imagine if you will a land blessed by natural resources covered in rugged mountain and sand inhabited by wild beings that have no sense of affiliation, tradition and worse of all, no respect for a military uniform! How can you presume that they will be allowed to prosper, to live in this land ruled by a velveteen fist and everyone is game? They are a threat, a danger to all that is sane and sacred and all that we hold dear including our dear president and our poor, underprivileged, seriously taxed armed forces. They live on our land and presume to ask us, the high and mighty overlord of all we see and beyond, including all that you have and don’t you forget it, to pay for any shit that we draw out of their ground. Oh please! Why can’t they see that they’ll suffocate to death if that gas is allowed to remain there… stupid people!

Can’t they see the huge structure of the port that is going to be pinnacle of social and economic growth that we are establishing at their doorstep and see the potential for employment and development for their people? No, they are concerned about ‘foreigners’ moving in and ensuring that they are kept out. Wonder why they would do that? It’s not like we the government have ever done anything like that before… selling of prime estate and opportunities to the highest bidder in return for a tidy little sum in our back pocket by showing it to be part of our own personal back yard… And the Steel mill thing was just a confusion! Of course it cannot be compared to the Gawadar port. Such cynics the lot of you! Honestly! Have some faith!

Oh hey, you know! We should make a plan to go hunting soon. It’s open season EVERYWHERE and all kinds of game too! No, you ignoramuses! I’m not talking about hunting deer or buck or duck. Those are so cute and occasionally cuddly too. I’m talking about the dumb human animals. And the amazing thing is that we can use government infrastructure and military support to be our seconds. Machine guns, light missiles… hell that’s going to notice if we send in a fighter plane or two! We’ve extended that favor to our resident neighbors in the West and South Westish. After all, our faith says that our neighbors have rights on us and up to 40 households to the East, the West, the North and South fall into that category and if in return we get some carcasses to parade around as insurgents, terrorists, rebels and all together less than living breathing human beings, well, that’s just a bonus.

Has anyone figured out yet that I am kind of pissed? In fact am so pissed that I don’t know what to say! Huge accomplishment that, the government and armed forces of my great homeland has managed that which no other event or being in the world could ever think of attaining which is seriously worrying me to the point that I am babbling incoherently. I mean, now what!

Big hurray! You’ve killed off an 80 year old man with his kin in a dark, dreary cave somewhere in one-to-one combat with the use of artillery and Special Forces. Bring out the fireworks, the balloons, and let the celebrations begin! Technically there’s no difference between what the United States is doing in the rest of the world and what our government is doing here. Weeding out elements that seem to have some kind of a voice and making an example of them to ensure that everybody else goes deaf and mute. Except one! The US is at least doing it in other people’s yards and not making a mess of their own carefully laid out gardens and play area. At our end, the caretaker is seriously committed to turning potential land into land fills, all for the sake of pacifying Big Daddy enough to allow things to go on as they are and reduce chances for the moment of US planes doing their target practice this side of the fence… Oh wait! They do that too! So that would mean that the sacrifice fest on in our backyard is to ensure that Big Daddy don’t come calling to make Mushie-Wushie (that rhymes with Bushie-Wushie) go bye-bye uniform, medals and all…

Great! Now I’m upset and I’m hungry! I knew something like this would come along to flush my diet down the drain! I so need a cheese omelet to calm my poor, frazzled nerves… Will return to rant and rave some more… After the break!

Rebel or Hero?

Strike one for the establishment! One of the loudest voices of dissent within the country with decidedly nationalist overtones has been silenced by government guns forever. Headlines are proclaiming triumph for the forces of good and fair (government… d-uh! As if anyone was going to question it) as the cavalry in its self proclaimed mission against terrorists undertook an operation based on ‘exact and accurate’ intelligence to hunt down the man who has been a thorn in Musharraf’s side ever since his so called uprising in February 2005.

Pakistani Rebel Leader Said Killed in Battle

I am never at my best this early in the morning but even sleep cannot do much to assuage the worry about how this act will affect the foundations of a country already shaken by strife and ill-will.

Balochistan is Pakistan’s biggest province, and is richest in mineral resources. It is a major supplier of natural gas to the country. But for decades, Baloch nationalists have accused the central government in Islamabad of depriving the province of its due. They say the government took away income from natural gas and other resources, while spending only a trivial amount on the province. And I don’t see any lies on their end too. How will the ordinary Baloch living in abject poverty regard the death of a revered and most affluent tribal leader who at his worst or his best, (depending on what camp you are in) preserved his dignity, his charisma and his brutal honesty?

How brilliant is this scheme of our government to silence any of those who dare to speak against it and what will happen now to those who already question the tactics of the establishment in Wana and the other tribal areas? How will other nationalist parties perceive this?

For the moment, the government has done exactly what it did not wish to do with Akbar Bugti; created a martyr. And in doing what they have, they have added weight and more mystique to the legend of a man who for so long was the face of politics in Balochistan whether as a part of government circa 1958, 1973, 1989, 1990, and 1993 or as the very public face of a movement to garner more resources for an underdeveloped people and province.

Fears ‘R’ Life

I be seriously strange being! Here’s why… People usually are afraid of death but I have discovered that I am not. I am terrified however, of life. Here’s how I see it!

Death is invulnerable! A hard fact! Unmoving, unchangeable… It is there and it always will be wherever we may turn around. It may be sudden and quick or painfully slow and long drawn to the point where we can feel each breath being drawn out almost to breaking point before being taken in just as painfully. Each of us know it is our end and there is a time and place for it decided the moment we first embrace life. It is a knowledge that stays with us in our every waking moment and every flicker of dreams behind our lids when we sleep. If it is accepted a fact and so real then what is the point of fearing it.

Fear is of the unknown. Something we haven’t quite been able to measure or evaluate. It is uncertain, unascertained, undefined… It’s beginning and end as inexplicable as the causes behind the creation of human life and thought and therein lays my problem. Life is all those things and so much more. Similar only to the extent of the differences that compose it for each of us; living is divergent almost shockingly in its appearance and its rationale. Each of us justifies life as something unique that fits in with how we perceive it. It can be as large as our imagination or as limited as the end of our nose. Life draws not just from the individual who it belongs to but from the people around us, from our homes, our schools, our offices, our society and the world. It doesn’t stop there but our life influences and is influenced by atmosphere, the moon, the sun… space…

How do you begin to understand the implication of the responsibility that something this big lays on you? I have a hard time being held accountable to my parents for something as trivial as my result or my curfew which if I’m blasé enough to say so doesn’t really concern anyone else let alone affecting other people in the grand scheme of things. But think on the greater meaning of life and what it is supposed to signify, I almost panic.

How many things, how many actions, how many words and how many thoughts can I be held accountable for? All the morals of all the stories lead to my thinking that life is some sort of never-ending cycle which is why we hear of what goes around comes around I suppose… And if that is true, I don’t know where a carelessly thrown remark could end up back in my face in the form of something cruel or hurtful… So, would that mean that I am responsible for what comes to me?

Where do fate and destiny come in then? And what about Qudrat? As Muslims, these things are as ingrained in the twists and turns of our lives that at times we tend to discount the affluence of our own deeds or misdeeds in that context… Sometimes I believe there is no free will and no such thing as a free action. Everything even down to our subconscious flicker of an eyelash or an instinctive reaction to flinch from heat is preordained but if it is preordained then that means that everything is already working to a grand plan and each of our actions and thoughts are just playing out a script prepared by a greater power but if that is the case, why then are we to be held accountable in the afterlife for things that we have done…

Major realization… 1:30 in the a.m. is not a good time to start thinking this stuff… Can be seriously injurious to one’s sense of stability and mental balance! Definitely not a good idea when you have an exam to conduct the next morning along with a long list of errands that include going to banks and travel agencies…

Let’s see if I have the focus to return to the point I was trying to make here… not that it will make much of a difference to my long standing but recently realized belief that I fear life!

Blogword of The Day: Inspire

Nothing more to inspire me today than the thought that that I may be the first to complete the Blogword of the Day…

Hair Harridan

The absolute utter gall of the man!!! If I could pick one individual a day to tear inot itsy, bitsy little pieces you can be sure that Darrel Hair would definitely be one of those people… In fact, he could probably be torn into for whole weeks and it wouldn’t be enough… What a blatantly biased, prejudiced, racist piece of shit he is!

It’s amazing how every time a player of repute starts to rise from the soils of the Indo-Pak Sub-continent, Darrel Hair turns that balloon sized head of his and takes it upon himself to try and stomp him back into the ground. Shit-head from Australia pitched all the dignity of the game in the bin when without any indication to the same, he more or less accused the Pakistanis of ball tampering and on protest actually deemed the game forfeited in England’s favor. How? How? How? This isn’t the first time that Hair has been in the midst of a controversial issue involving Pakistani players and yet the ICC in all its ineffectual bloody mindedness keeps appointing him as an official. And now, when they need to take a stand, ICC seems to have conveniently gone into hiding. The PCB has issued statements and comments and the ICC is still bloody keeping mum. I hope the Pakistanis have the nerve to see this through. Our officials don’t have much backbone to stand behind their players usually but this goes beyond individuals. This is national pride and honor and there is much more at stake than just one test match. It is a battle to shut all those prissy, snobby, snotty White mouths raising to call Pakistanis cheats and fakers and ball tamperers and what nots and boo-ing them because they have the gumption to protest being called so without proof.

And Israel is back in the playing field again. For the past 3 days, Israeli commandos have been making inroads or attempting to anyway into Lebanon despite the ceasefire and attempts to assemble a peace keeping force. And what does Israel have to say to any admonishments from Kofi Annan? Basically they tell him to stuff it! They are going to do exactly what they want to do which is trample all sense of justice, fairness and humanity as long as it serves them. And why shouldn’t they? Whey should they listen to an ineffectual day care centre employee to behave when the centre’s bully is firmly on their side a.k.a. the US of A. As to the peacekeeping force to be be deployed at some time, it’s going to be as effective as a eunuch in a harem.. or something like that. This doesn’t even look as if it’s going to get off the ground what with Lebanon not wanting troops from countries with military agreements with Israel and Israel countering with wanting countries that recognize it. And when it does, how effective is coddle-bound, soother sucking baby going to stop a terrorizing toddler on a rampage? Take a look at what I read ONLINE today. There are parts of it that I disagree with but I’m afraid the ineffectiveness of the force may be serious fact.

Out of Sight Really Means Out of Mind?

Will it surprise anyone that I have not seen or commented on anything going on in Lebanon or Palestine or anywhere else for that matter for a time? I even ignored the spectacle of The Great London Conspiracy which has actual creative input from people in our Secret Services! Will wonders never cease? Wunderbar!

I guess the reason behind that simply enough is that I have not been watching any news channels nor have I had the time to pore over news sites or newspapers. In fact, my only exposure to some things political has been some of the blogs that I’ve managed to browse through.

It hasn’t been all that long since the jets were screeching over the air, firing guided missiles into the heart of innocent civilian populations and for me, it has already come to be the lingering shadows of a nightmare I fell prey to because I fell asleep without reciting the Ayat-ul-Kursi. I wonder if it is the resilience of human nature or simple callousness on my part. I often speak about having a very loud, very obnoxious, almost nauseatingly self-important conscience. It seems though that my conscience is a sloth. It does not have strength and stamina for a long, sustained effort. It works in bursts. And it lacks serious motivation. It cannot be bothered to move its fat bum from the lounger placed thus to make some noise about an issue that perhaps is no longer as volatile. Convenient for me is it not but makes me feel like such a hypocrite. Almost like one of those peer-driven moves followed by a teenager where it is fashionable to discuss a certain topic just when it is hot and move on when the time so demands…

That seems so stupid… I didn’t have those issues even when I was a stupid teenager… :p

Anyhow, in some non serious news, imagine sitting in a class of managerial economics and with economics being as traditionally dry and boring as can be, and discussing opportunity cost and scarce resources etc and the lecturer (A PhD scholar no less) explaining it as:

“For students, the time we may spend on dates, on gossip, on relaxing is an opportunity cost borne by them for coming to attend classes in the evening for the prospect of a higher qualification. They come to class paying a price to be bored to death by me. That means Boredom is also a scarce resource because you pay such a high price for quality boredom.”

I think I’m going to enjoy this class. Signing off with a hope to get the time to blog seriously over the weekend!

Blogword of The Day: Free

Genie: But oh, to be free. Not to have to go “Poof! Whaddaya need,” “Poof! Whaddaya need,” “Poof! Whaddaya need?”. To be my own master. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world.

–Aladdin (Walt Disney Pictures 1992) –

Erratic

What I am ladies and gents of the blogging word is seriously fond of dropping the axe on my own foot with an accuracy unmatched by the guided missiles rained down on Lebanon upto 10 minutes before the implementation of cease fire by dear, sweet, misunderstood Israel.

I am also so seriously brilliant at mouthing of great little pearls of wisdom that dear Bushness of US of A would have no trouble picking them up… You know anyone else who would call 8:10 as “saarhe aath bajne mein bees minute”… I have done so… Top that Bushie Wushie!

I am being quite mean today, am I not? It’s just that I feel as petulant as Israel and the States at having a bloody reprimand pinned to the front of my shirt as it never was done in school times in the form of a Security Council… About as effective as the shout of a lifeguard who has just seen a shark bite of the arm of a surfer hanging ten in the ocean.

I had a long day today. The entire morning was spent standing at attention to my ailing little 4 wheels that have the task of carting me around. Man, who knew that a small car could cost so much… And then, had my first class today.

Yes, it is true! I have returned to the arena of academics with a step into Post graduate study and I have no qualms about admitting that the 3 hour session were the longest 3 hours ever!! And how is it possible to get an assignment and tasks for the research paper due at the end of the semester in the first class?? And here’s the jewel in the axe that I should have dropped on my neck… I took the maximum 4 courses allowed each semester… 4 classes… 4 straight days in a week… What the hell am I doing to myself…

And have reached an alarming realization! Independence day brings us nothing to celebrate! WE are poor, destitute, corrupt, illiterate, unhappy… a miserable breed of people. We have no right to spend on putting up flags, and having firework displays and see weirdos dancing around on stage squeaking songs of purported love and affection for the country… It is such colossal bullshit!! Our people starve and are consequently squashed to death! Our people don’t have water, civic amenities, security… Our people don’t even have the faith in the name of which this land was created! Which of those ambitions and dreams for which this land came to fore has come true…? Name one my people and that one will be enough to celebrate the year round rather than just to centre on the 24 hrs of this one day…

Another thing! Please can I ask all the singers of today to just stop singing patriotic songs? Please! For the love of God, keep yourselves in those girl loves boy, boy loves girl trash and you’re fine… Don’t soil what is supposed to be real emotion with the commercial, plastic hoo-has that you call singing… If you want to know what National songs were and how they’re supposed to sound and make you feel, listen to “Aye Puttar hattan te nahi wikde” and feel your heart wrench and your eyes fill with tears, listen to “Aye watan ke sajile jawano” and feel your heart soar with the rise and feeling in Madam’s voice… If nothing else, listen to the audio behind mobilink’s new ad and you will cry just as Mehdi Hasan Sab is crying in the video provided you get the emotion…

How many of us actually feel that level of actual affection in our homeland? Driving bloody bikes with silencers along roads, and eating and drinking at fashionable restaurants does not a patriot make… Flying flags on our cars and dropping fire crackers in homes, on roads, in front of people and cars is not celebration… It is an unwanted, unjustified excuse for hooliganism… It is not a point of celebration… It is a mourning! It is a lament and it is anguish…

And I am seriously insane… Point to note: 14th August 2006 shall henceforth be my Independence Day… I have relegated my cell phones to the trash! The only bliss… The sweet sound of silence around me for the past 2 days…

Came across the following verse on a homemade bookmark peeking out from under the newspaper in my cupboard… Made me think of what frame of mind I was in then…

“One went to the door of the Beloved and

knocked.

A voice asked, ‘Who is there?’

He answered, ‘It is I.’
The voice said, ‘There is no room for Me and Thee.’

The door was shut.

After a year of solitude and deprivation he returned and knocked.

A voice from within asked, ‘Who is there?’

The man said, ‘It is Thee.’

The door was opened for him.”

– Jelaluddin Rumi –

Happy Birthday Mother

My Dear Motherland,

Many Felicitations to you this day as we celebrate another year that you are here as our identity in this world! On this proud day of remembrance let me offer prayers to the Almighty to ensure that you continue to blossom and breathe till the world exists despite our best efforts to pull the plug on you.

Yes, dear earth that became us, may you survive not because of us but rather in spite of all that we do. This year, as always let me purge my sinful soul and lay the burden of my wrongdoings within the cradling, protective warmth of your heart.

This year was another in the series of failings that we write to your name and strut on your hallowed grounds with nary a conscience, nor concern.

Our biggest flaw remains our failure to choose men and women who would actually go past the words to work for your pride and honor. We have lived another year under men and women who have continued to sell you off bit by bit, like the pimps proffering their wares in the open slave markets of bygone times. We have stood by letting these soulless entities barter off your jewels and their souls for material wealth and gain and for worthless pieces of paper and rough, ready rocks to fill their own personal vaults.

We have remained meek and quiet, subservient as those lifeless puppets that jerk simply to do the bidding of the evil puppeteers that hold their strings.

We have stood by watching you being raped and ridiculed by your own sons, fathers and brothers. We have watched your children murder each other in cold blood and done nothing to condone it.

We have watched your daughters, your mothers, and your sisters disgrace you, renting apart the fabric of your life and allowed it to become rags.

We have chosen to keep our eyes, ears and mouths closed and are remarkably continuing to function somewhat without the use of our brains.

We have watched your soothing, restful air to be rent with cries of those who suffered injustice and cruelty at the hands of those that you graced with so many gifts.

We have watched your pure waters of silver and blue to be polluted with the excesses of those whom these waters protected and cultivated.

We have made a mockery of those who handed you over to us to nurture and protect as they moved on.

We have turned them into a travesty who gave their lives, their families and even their faiths to you to give you life and ultimately allow us to live.

We have forgotten the words and instructions of those who watched you come to be and who had the vision to warn us of the perils that lay ahead.

Flickering flames course through your veins, fires of hatred, revulsion, doubt and greed burning, destroying without discrimination whatever scrap of humanity remains in those who at least try.

We play the gremlins in your war against pestilence, poverty and hunger, against corruption and gluttony and self indulgence, against racism and prejudice and sabotage all the missions that could be different.

We are the thieves, the killers, the crooks, and the evil face to your goodness. We are opportunist leeches that feed on you for sustenance having no thought for your survival,

We are the soiled, dirty, stinking baggage that you carry on your frail shoulders that we continue to use as our catapult to launch us into bigger, better things.

We leave you behind as the undesirable part of a story that should remain unread lest it cause some stray streak of conscience to twinge and make us do something we rather not.

And yet, you survive. You blossom, you flower. You give us food from your earth and sooth our hurts with your lush greens. You protect us with the heights of your towering mountains and sustain us with the waters of your life. You remain as ever the firm, upstanding symbol of our faith and the blessing of the Almighty.

You are our mother, our land. No matter what anyone thinks, or anyone says for as long as we shall be, you shall be within us in all we do and all we ever become.

May you prosper my land of the Pak and the Pure! May we be deserving of calling ourselves the sons and daughters of this land! I pray we realize your import before we suffer the disgrace of relegating you the dark, unforgiving arms of time. I pray we realize your true worth and make ourselves worthy of you and your acceptance as those who gave you life dreamed of.

Live long my Pakistan! A Happy Independence Day to All! May the day dawn bright and sunny, heralding an era of true prosperity and honor in our country! May we really be the ones who lead our homeland to light!

Mera dil teri muhabbat ka hay jaan baksh diyaar
Mera seena teri hurmat ka hay sangeen fishaar
Meray maahboob watan tujh pay agar jaan ho nisaar
Mein yeh samjho gaa tikhanay laga sarmaya–e-tan
Ae Watan pyaray watan
Ae Watan pyaray watan, pak watan, pak watan
Ae meray pyaray watan